I'm getting married

Well, obviously there is more to it than that, but I have been absent from here because I've been busy with a relationship!

Starting at the beginning, I decided in March of 2017 (on my 29th birthday) that I was tired of being afraid. My chosen word for 2017 was "brave". I had come to realize that I let fear hold me back from so many things. I'd wanted to do a photo shoot forever, but I kept putting it off waiting to lose weight and for the hyper-pigmentation on my face to fade. NO MORE! In April I stopped putting it off and booked a session with an amazing creative Mary Fehr. I also wrote down a bunch of goals for the year that I had no real excuse for not doing. In many ways, this was the beginning of my real efforts to live out my word of the year.

Around May a friend got in touch with me about a great guy she knew that was single for no discernible reason (okay, he was in college full time and working full time, but still.) She asked if I knew anyone that might be interested. I told her I'd look around, I did, and who I found wasn't a good match. My Nana suggested I tell my friend I'd talk to him. At first I balked, but then I remembered my "brave" word --that always happened at the most inopportune times-and I agreed to talk to him.

He called me Saturday evening May 20th.

First, we made sure we were on the same page:

"No expectations, let's see if we connect."

Five hours later we figured we'd connected enough, he'd been completely enthusiastic about the photo session I was doing the next day too, which I hadn't expect him to really "get". I woke up the next morning freaking out, between getting pictures done when I am the complete opposite of a model (and prefer being behind the camera) and meeting this guy that I liked already even though I was happily single...It was pretty much mind-blowing.

The following four weeks we managed to talk on the phone every single day. I fought the process a lot at first, and he was so gentle and patient with me. My relationships in the past had been short on encouragement and kindness and long on control and changing me. This guy that liked me just the way I was scared me! Weird, huh?

 A month later he flew into Atlanta to meet me, I was crazy nervous, but meeting him was like coming home. I'd been warned about the awkwardness, but there was none of that...We were already close from hours of deep conversation by that point! After he left, I had to learn to trust God all over again because as long as I hadn't seen him in person it was easy to feel like my life would never change. I didn't have to make any decisions about being away from my favorite people. Meeting him face-to-face planted the idea in my mind that I'd be making that decision, and sooner rather than later.

Fast forward to September 16th, I went to Ohio with my mom to meet his family and celebrate his birthday, and while I was there he asked me to marry him. I said yes without hesitation, and on March 3rd we will be getting married! Along with the excitement of wedding planning, I've slowly and steadily been working on my new business that I'm really enjoying! You can check out my new website HERE and my new blog HERE.

Lizzi

Visions of grandeur and homeschool reality

I'm a night owl. I get a burst of energy at night similar to a hamster. 

Now that I think about it, maybe that's why I liked having hamsters so much as a kid. 

Anyway, what I also have, are visions of grandeur. Big plans. Confidence in success. All mostly at night! I go to sleep with my mind racing with all the wonderful ideas of things that will get done. I'll wake up with the birds and get Monnie and Nece started on their schoolwork pronto, and when they finish after an hour of committed work (yes, my unrealistic expectations do include them too), we'll start on all the creative and extra-curricular work! 

What really happens is that I wake up at 8 AM tired and drowsy from falling asleep at around 2 AM. I'm not a morning person, so I doze back off and get up at around 9. By this time, the girls are already doing their schoolwork-more or less-in between talking and arguing intermittently. I realize I have to run some grown-up errands, and so I head out with instructions for them to really concentrate and finish (because I'm still kinda excited about last nights plans.) I start looking for my shoes, and it takes 30 minutes, because I can never find my shoes...And when I find them in Monnie's room I'm very upset at the wasted time. In dire need of the coffee that I'd planned to pick up while I'm out, and the "hungry Elisabeth" attitude I fuss at my younger sister who has the annoying habit of looking at me blankly when I'm instructing her. I leave the house grouchy, turning on Christian radio in the car hoping some Jesus time is all I need. 

I feel better when I get back home an hour later, but the girls are still doing their schoolwork with minimal progress! They're requesting to listen to audio books while they work (like I ever say yes,) and slouching in their chairs. Someone help me! I'm quickly losing my creative drive already! So I let them know I'm not in the mood to wait forever, and sit down to post a blog, because sometimes the best idea is to change your plan if it's not working. 

What shall we do today? Nece is learning about reflected lights and lenses and things in her science so I was planning on some flat lays. It may take a little longer, but I sure hope we get to it!

Working out and acne

So FYI, I finally bit the bullet and started back working out. I just finished up my third week! 

Oh my gosh. It was harder than I thought.

Just a little more information than anyone ever probably wants to know, (so skip this part if you want) but I started off working out so hard that first week that I started my period and my face started working out! So you know that specifically for girls with PCOS, adrenaline turns into stress, and stress creative HAVOC in our bodies. Other than walking around that first week like a 110-year-old woman, I honestly do feel better physically. I'm struggling a little being back in my old class, because instead of being the one that goes the extra mile-or extra push-ups, I'm the one in the beginner side barely making it.

I haven't forgotten about my photo project, but it is really hard to take pictures of my acne-ridden face. I'm finding that fear is something that has to be conquered over and over again. I hope it gets easier, but so far it hasn't...And yes, that is in spite of there being a very small amount of people actually seeing/reading this blog. 

If you have words of encouragement, or even need some yourself, please please comment and say something! 

Elisabeth

Galentines

L-R: Bex, Candice, Clarissa, me, and Tanee

Sometimes girls need to celebrate each other. They need to celebrate that before and after and during romantic relationships, girlfriends are there to complain to, cheer on, and reminisce with. Right before Valentines I got together with some friends of mine for a Galentines outing. I told them to come prepared to take pictures, and they did! I loved that Bex donned her red skirt, she was the talk of the day!

Fear is a road leading to boringville

About five years ago, a boyfriend told me that I put too much on my blog. "Too much" basically meaning I was being too honest and open. Thankfully, that boyfriend has been an ex for awhile, but I have had a hard time since then really just being open at the level I was before without discomfort. That boyfriend would also email me news stories about crimes committed in my area to prove to me that it wasn't safe for me to be going out at night. 

Remember, I live with a unique type of family, to give you an idea of what I mean: I walked into the laundry room to find two strange men washing their clothes and wasn't surprised. When I asked my dad who those men were, he said they were homeless and came back too late to get into the shelter (and would be spending the night.) Most of the people people were afraid of were at our house for supper on Sundays. Basically, has family has always lived with less fear than even is necessary at times. 

I said all that to say that I'm going back to the old me blogger. The one who didn't care about a lot of readers, but also didn't fear putting myself out there either. You know that movie "Me Before You"? It was one movie that I could watch a few more times, I cried in the theater. ANYWAY, the author of the book that movie was based on wrote another book that I'm reading now. It is called Paris For One (author is Jojo Moyes) and it's about a girl who never does anything without weighing the pros and cons. She is sensible, if sensible is the keyword for fearful. Then her worst nightmare happened, and her trip to Paris didn't go as planned. Through all the "mishaps" she learned to embrace the unknown! 

Do you know that I went to the post office on Valentines Day (looking a mess after a visit to the gym) and a guy standing near me packaging up his mail started a conversation and asked if I had a boyfriend for Valentines Day. I thought of how I probably looked, and was so embarrassed that I cut the conversation short so that he wouldn't ask for my number because I was sure it would be out of pity. Isn't that sad? I kept going back to it later in my mind, and realized that my fear of what he thought was almost surely worse than what he actually saw. And what if he had thought I looked at mess? Who cares? I don't even know him! I'm not traveling the road of fear to Boringville, my life is meant to be so much more than that. 

New Idea

When I was setting my New Year's resolutions I didn't actually plan on some of these things that I have now decided are really important to me to accomplish. At first I felt bad about it, and maybe a little guilty at the possibility that my goals I’d been so excited about just a couple months ago I wouldn't actually accomplish. I have sense come to the conclusion that one good thing about goals is that they can you know change and develop over time.

So there is this photo project that I want to do and it has to do with my hyper-pigmentation on my face. I found that I haven't really become less self-conscious about it, it's just that sometimes it's not as much at the forefront of my mind. Basically I'm used to it being there, but still don't like it and I still sometimes get the feeling that people are staring at me. For my birthday I want to do a special photo shoot for myself, and I have a friend who is a makeup artist and she will be able to do some really unique things. It’s all just living in my mind right now, but I'm working through the kinks. If you go through Pinterest you can find very fashion forward  pictures of freckled girls. If you look for something similar for acne scars or hyper-pigmentation (that isn’t just advertisement for getting rid of them) you won’t find a thing. I'm all for fading the marks on my face, but it takes time and I need to be able to look in the mirror until then. I literally refuse to wear makeup all the time.

Since I'm not sure that I have the financial wherewithal to get someone really experienced to take the photographs for me, I'm practicing self portraits. Actually my first one was today, and although it’s finally not blurry, it is completely uninteresting (in my opinion.) I’m going to keep practicing in different lights and locations though so I can and I decided I'm just going to keep practicing until the actual event come for the shoot so that I can see how it is in different light and get an idea for exactly what  get a better idea of what I want. I’m not comfortable sharing pictures like this, but it will help me to get used to putting myself out there. It’s not just for me, but for others who struggle with their flaws.

It's not that I was miserable, this was just like the 50th photo lol. 

Thrift Store Finds and Dentist Visit

I'm trying to decide if I have the wherewithal to blog daily, or at least a few times a week; either way, I'm gonna try. I wanted to share this thrift store find because I was so excited when I discovered it benignly sitting on the shelf at Goodwill. A set of Downton Abbey DVDs! Each one cost me about $3 and I know it's a steal of a deal!

This happened on Tuesday when I had my first dentist appointment in five years. Yes, FIVE! I have so many positive memories of the dentist as a kid, as weird as that sounds. This dentist gave us a payment plan (even though it was in the ritzy part of town where we did people's lawn service) and back in that day we didn't have insurance. The staff was always easy to work with and they let us visit the prize box afterwards where we would pick out an airplane or bouncy ball and play with it outside in the parking lot. Anyway, back to the present: thankfully, I have no cavities (I was worried), but my gums were really sore until today! Worth it? Definitely. 

Elisabeth

Be still...rainy day thoughts

"Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side..."

I decided going into this new year that I wouldn't be always distracted, always going. I have such a problem with focus, and my mind is going going going so much that I've found solace and rest in daily naps. As it turns out, you can't change that quickly. 

New Year New Me? Hardly. 

I think breaking habits requires real work, maybe it's so that you can prove you really want it. I do really want it! I bought planners to remind myself, to get my day scheduled...But teaching myself to be quiet deep down will be difficult. I get discouraged, and then I see the rain outside today, and decide I won't go out and "be productive" and there is hope of succeeding again. 

"Leave to thy God to order and provide."

I want time with my Master. I need to peel my eyes away from the news, from the Instagram feed, from Facebook and TV shows that stir the unrest in me. I wish I were alone in this, but I'm sure I'm not. I hope you join me in my quest for purposeful quietness and stillness.

This was a bit of a diary post, and if that was a turn-off, I apologize. Have a happy Sunday!

Elisabeth

Nature walk with some of my favorite kids

The other day my sister had an appointment and dropped off all three kids. With my renewed enthusiasm to get healthy, I decided to take a walk. I told Mikey that I had a brilliant idea, his big eyes lit up. 

"You do?" He asked.

"Yep," I replied "We should go outside!" 

"I have an even better one, we should go on a NATURE WALK."

He was right, his idea was better, so we went with it. 

Dear neighbor, I'm sorry Baby Girl loves flowers so much that she claimed your mailbox flowers. 

Buttercup didn't much like the sweet gum balls

My definite favorite. Gotta cover those ears! 

Late night honesty

Yogi brand skin detox tea.

Last night I stood in front of my mirror and cried, I guess I just needed to get it out. In my defense it was a long day. I spent from 9 AM to 4 PM trying to finish up the process to begin volunteering at the VA (mostly lost wandering through the hospital). It was all on an empty stomach except for coffee and some jalapeño cheetos, and you don't want to meet me hungry let alone when I've had to smile at everyone for hours. Add to that I had a cystic acne breakout right beside my nose, making me feel hideous, and when I stepped on the scale after starving all day, I was the same weight as days before.

Having PCOS is hard sometimes. Gracious, being a female is hard, but let's stay on topic. After a very symptomatic few months (weight gain was one of those symptoms), I decided to buckle down once the holidays were over. I visited the farmers market and Aldi and stocked up on good food to start, but now I'm left with choosing how I want to get active. Yoga is supposed to be really good for PCOS because of the stress link it has, but I loved when I used to work out and the trainer included kickboxing. I'm struggling so hard with the business(es) and all this health stuff, and even though I decided I would be brave this year, I am wondering about my ability to. 

I recently heard someone say that when you're trying to accomplish something by looking at the negatives you want to change, instead find the positive reasons. The idea is that if you end up reaching a goal that you were only doing because of all the bad feelings, you'll find that there were no positive ones and you won't be satisfied even when you reach it! I'll admit I'm not always a glass half full kinda gal, but I'm gonna try. I want to be healthy because of how much more active I can be with my nieces and nephew, because I want to be able to focus for my business, and because I want to show my little sisters that being healthy is worth working towards. 

So, yes, I cried in front of the mirror last night. But I'm gonna be just fine; it was just a speed bump. I hope you will join me in making positive changes this year! Oh, and happy new year a few days late!

Life is too short for...

When I was little, we used to visit an older lady that lived near us. My mom liked to stop by just to check on her because she didn't really have family or friends, and she wasn't physically able to get out a lot. I remember her being a very sweet talkative lady, and how she sponsored a child in another country that she loved to talk about. Sadly, the biggest thing I remember is the huge couches covered in plastic. In the heat of Georgia summers, my three sisters and I would file in behind my mom and climb up onto the huge seats, and when the conversation was over we would peel the backs of our legs off of the couches and leave. I hated those things. I always wondered what their point was, and when mom answered by saying "To keep the fabric clean." I was only left with more questions. From what I could see, this lady never hosted other people in her home. Whose dirt was she so afraid of that she would encase her sofa in that uncomfortable, shiny, protective covering?

Although as I child I asked these questions (the deep thinker developing in me), I have found myself doing the same thing in life. In preparation of the possibility that something bad would happen, I have wrapped certain talents in plastic. They can be seen, but not touched and no one wants to mention them or use them in the way they're meant to be used.

Even when I announced that I wanted to be a photographer professionally, I only posted about it on my blog and Facebook, I didn't say a word about it on Instagram (where I get the most responses to what I post) except to mysteriously point them here. I'm afraid of failure. I'm scared of what people will think or say. Well y'all, this year I've decided to live bravely. I'm going to gleefully unwrap all my dreams and prepare to have them possibly torn, poked, laughed at, and muddied, but mostly enjoyed.

Because life is too short for plastic-wrapped couches. Don't you agree?  

Capturing Memories...for You!

Since I was a teenager, I have been the one with the camera. When someone is putting together a slideshow for their wedding, graduation, or even when a family member passes, they come to me for recent pictures. This has always been an honor for me because my goal when taking pictures is to capture life as it is to remember later.

This is my sister and her family. I went over to visit one day and wanted to capture the beautiful chaos of her life. I know that time passes quickly, and soon enough the memories of life as a toddler mom will start to fade. In some ways the situation wasn't ideal, my brother-in-law was working a weird shift and had just gotten home, my sister was heading out to get groceries, the kids were all full of post-breakfast energy vying for daddy's attention...

And we won't even mention granddaddy coming for a visit.

On the other hand, this is regular life at her house: unplanned and full of surprises!

These unposed moments bring smiles to the faces of those who have spent time with kids-especially active ones like these!  

This cute sharing moment ended in juice spilled all over the floor.

I hope you enjoyed that little sneak peek! This whole time I've been gathering my nerve for some news that may be of interest to you! I am now booking family lifestyle sessions for 2017! If you're in the Jonesboro or surrounding area of Georgia I would love to discuss with you what packages I offer. Sessions start at $150 and I'm so excited to bring you beautiful photographs you will cherish for years to come. Contact me HERE (hello[at]elisabetharona.com) if you're ready to get more info or grab your slot. If that's not up your alley and you just want to be friends forever or be a part of my crazy life, follow me on Instagram (@elisabetharona) or even sign up for a monthly letter from me HERE.

Oh, and in case you didn't notice, I changed the blog. Same place, different address! What do you think?

Until next time,
Lizzi

Starting the shop up...Again

So I have added a couple things to my shop! I read a quote in a book that said "Don't wait until everything is perfect to start, just start!" It's really hard for me, and without even realizing it, I've been struggling with that for a long time. It tempers my creativity so much when I start worrying what people will think, and how silly the shop will look with only a few things (who am I kidding, it looks sillier empty.) I've spent too much time paying attention to others and what they're capable of, and downplaying what I can do, that I crippled myself! Ugh, but enough focus on that. Here are some of the recent pictures, I'm gonna kinda let them stand alone and hope you come visit my shop!

Weird Wednesday: Cats Who Claim Businesses

On the way home from running errands (meaning visiting the library and Chick-Fil-A) we stopped for some chips at CVS and saw a strange sight. This plump kitty was dozing by the entrance of the door. I'm not sure what popular opinion is about feeding strays, but I shared a bit of my breakfast burrito with it. I wonder what people thought of me taking pictures of the sweet thing.

If I didn't have a very opinionated cat at home already, I probably would have carried it home with me. Although I regularly see families of cats at the post office and even some restaurants, this was the first time one claimed a place in such an obvious way. Does anyone know what the protocol is for stray cats?


Post edited to add that I went into a favorite restaurant, and the owner (my friend) was complaining about a cat that got dropped off behind the building. I don't even know the gender, but the cat is beautiful bright white and very friendly. If anyone in GA wants a kitty too adopt, let me know! 

Seasoned with Salt and Speaking to Strangers

If you have ever read my blog, you know that I have never made a secret of my struggle with acne and the resulting hyper-pigmentation; however, I'm not sure if I have told about the many times I've been approached about it by friends and strangers alike. 

As you can see, the hyper-pigmentation is pretty obvious. 

I was at Lowe's with my family. The purpose was to take my 2-year-old niece to get some pink flowers so she'd have her own garden (she's been claiming gardens as her own and picking the pink flowers.) Anyway, as we headed to the register, I was waylaid by a black lady I would guess to be in her 50s. Since I had a camera hanging around my neck, I assumed she was going to ask about it. Instead, she simply said, "Your face, what do you use on it?" 

I groaned inwardly. I've had too many of these experiences to be shocked, and yet I worked at Chick-Fil-A long enough to feel I have to be polite to everyone. I opened my mouth to answer. 

"My grandson has that same problem." she stated.

I again took a moment, and thinking a little more of her now that I knew she had a point besides selling some products or nosiness, I replied, "It was worse than this. I have a hormone imbalance, and it causes acne, but once the acne is gone it leave these marks behind. They take awhile to go away."

 "You should try cocoa butter." She said.

"I haven't tried that," I answered "but I'm supposed to be wearing sunscreen, and I didn't all summer. Almost everything that helps the marks makes your skin sensitive to the sun." I admitted. 

She thanked me for that tip, because black people still neglect sun protection for the most part.We were settling into the conversation, and she started asking if I knew anything about eczema and when I told her yes, she wanted me to write down what I suggested for it. 

 Somehow, this lady managed to make me feel chastened (for not doing what I know to do for my face), and yet uplifted. This is a rarity when it come to discussions about my face, it is a very tender subject for me! With that being said, I would suggest that she start off the conversation in a different way next time, And I won't lie about wanting to go straight home and slather on sunscreen and makeup or just hide under my covers... but I could tell that her heart was in the right place and I'm gonna try that cocoa butter! 

We are so quick (me included) to get upset because we think we know where someone is coming from, but sometimes grace and a hearing ear are called for. My verse of the week is from Colossians 4:6 and says "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." 

It's okay, I'm "flawsome" and so are you. 

What experiences have you had with strangers approaching you? Have they been mostly negative or positive? Tell me below in the comments!

Foundation, concealer, and cleanser, oh my!

Today I'm going to talk about something that I'm far from an expert on, but that I learned by necessity. You are probably aware that I have PCOS; although it does not define me, it is a part of my life that I have to acknowledge exists in more ways than I want. I love eye makeup, but I started wearing foundation and concealer because of my hyper-pigmentation left from acne breakouts. Also for another post, will be the comments that I get sometimes just walking around without makeup. My first concealer was Kat Von D concealer and I loved it! It didn't take me long to realize that it was causing breakouts, and I found out later that it is not the best for those who are prone to acne or have picky skin like me. Always google the customer reviews of things you're not sure about if you have sensitive skin. 

Fast forward to about a year ago, my friend (who is a makeup artist) suggested I try NARS foundation. Y'all, I'm not even gonna lie, $50 is expensive to this thrift store shoppin' and yard sale lovin' girl...SO I bought their concealer and found a cheap foundation elsewhere. The concealer is good, but it's not gonna work all by itself if you're trying to cover up some hard core marks like I was! I wanted to put concealer on the more recent marks, and then cover the fading ones all over with a good foundation.

Without makeup

A few months ago I went back and had one of Sephora's special skin match tests done. These things are so embarrassing for me, because I feel like they can't get a proper reading with the dark marks! I was brought two possible matches for the "full-coverage" that I had requested. One was NARS. I slathered each side of my face with a different brand, asked a few random passersby for their opinions, and settled on the NARS foundation. I can't even describe how much I love it and find it worthy of my hard-earned money! It is unique in that the instructions tell you to rub it between your hands and apply-WITH YOUR HANDS-but it does go on very nicely. I like that it isn't weird colored, you know all the shades and undertones that become even more obvious with black girl skin and brown foundations! I wanted one that had more gold undertones instead of the pink or sometimes greyish look makeup gives me. It is very light feeling and almost watery in comparison to some, but that makes layering an option if you're extra funny about every any flaws being invisible. I find that one layer works and I can wear it all day without worrying about needing to reapply.

The only problem I ran into was getting it off. It seemed like the usual cleansers weren't working, so at Sally's one day, I asked a sales associate what she had that would help. She picked up a tub of Queen Helene cleansing creme and said "This will get anything off, and it's what I use."

Dear Sally's associate, thank you for saving my skin. I love you.

Sincerely,

Elisabeth

With a quick application of my new foundation just to run out the house.

Does that describe well enough how I feel about it? Little tip: it leaves your skin soft and supple, but I think you should consider washing it off before you jump your butt into bed...Also sometimes I don't if I'm feeling lazy, and it hasn't caused any breakouts. So that's my makeup story. I hope that it has helped you some! If you have any tips for blush or (more) eyeshadow that you love, tell me about it in the comments! 

Smart Succulent (or any plant) Purchasing

Are you here because of those totally dreamy succulents I posted on Instagram?

Whether you are or not, you're gonna want to hear this if you like a good deal. Now, first a little disclaimer: I am not a professional; in fact, I am a reformed black thumb. The only thing that's important though, is that I am working on being a true blue gardener slowly but surely...AND that there is a less expensive way to purchase plants.

Some of the succulents I purchased and re-potted today.

You may remember from this post how I said that I started a tree seedling business for/with my dad. Well, since then, I've kinda gained a newfound interest in plant life! Seeing my garden grow from seeds might have helped as well. Secretly, I've always loved succulents, but was too afraid to try growing my own. Since a few months ago when I bought an aloe plant-which has been thriving-I became convinced that I can indeed grow them.

Agh, get to it already Elisabeth! Okay, so today I went with Momma (the true gardener) to buy some succulents, and as I veered in that direction she said, "Wait, first we need a buggy, and then we're going to the specials."

Woe.

What?

Around my house, that means something. Dirt cheap. Saving money. Pinchin' pennies. Deals. Extra ice cream money y'all! So, at Lowe's (and other places like it-so I've heard) there are shelves with plants that are not doing well. They're significantly marked down in the hopes that they will sell quickly and not be a total loss. Big stores don't have time for one-on-one plant-sitting. Usually these will be in a less obvious place, so that IF you know about the specials you'll pass all the beautiful blossoming flowers first and find them irresistible. Today, lots of plants were marked down to a dollar!

So what are you waiting for? Oh, more tips! You know me well. If you have a specific plant in mind, find out when it is going out of season, or finished blooming. They become significantly less attractive and much more difficult to sell, and will likely be marked down. If you're a succulent hunter, look for plants that have had "babies" or spread; it is fairly common, and you're basically getting 2+ for the price of one-you can separate them at home like I did. Lastly, late fall is when stores are in a hurry to get rid of their live plants. During the winter, the people that rush in to beautify their yards in the spring (inexperienced) don't even bother the garden section, so the plants will be marked down like crazy.

Did that help you any at all? I hope so. I like to pass on anything that I learn, and I would love to hear any bits of knowledge you can add to this! Lemme know in the comments! 

A Bright Idea

A few weeks ago I received a text message from a friend in another state. It was unusual because we're friends but keep in touch mostly through the occasional Facebook comment. She asked me something about sewing, and I got nervous. Since I've had the chance to do custom work and it has bitten me in the butt more than once, I don't feel the initial excitement anymore.

She sent me some pictures of some pretty simple skirts, and I told her they were totally doable. We started talking prices, and then she got to the really cool part: She wants an African print skirt! As you know, Hancock fabrics closed down this week, but I was mentally going through the store trying to remember if I'd seen any of those. I was pretty sure I hadn't. Going by there, I realized I was right and they didn't have the fabric, but I did find a pattern on sale! I can't resist passing these sales on to customers and see them get excited too! 

Fast forward to a couple days ago, and I went by the discount fabric store (don't let the name fool you, seriously) and there it was! I am absolutely looking forward to this project now. My friend couldn't decide because there were three rows of assorted fabrics like the one below! COLOR!

What new (or old) projects are you looking forward to this summer? 

How My Garden Grows

Here in the South especially, so much is said through tone and facial expression. One word can hold the meaning of a sentence. With all that being said:

Y'all...

Seriously, I had no idea that things would take off as they did where my garden is concerned. Also, did I mention the business of selling tree seedlings? Yeah, well running that business turned out to be work, because things were selling really well!

Potato plant grown from an old potato

 Dad left me completely in charge of replying to inquiries because he was at his 9-5 and didn't have time to research the answers. I've spent almost as much time on the computer as I've spent shipping plants from Monday through Thursday. I didn't realize that I could be obsessive until now. I checked and rechecked tracking to be sure the plants arrived quickly, researched several different sources before answering questions, and looked up different plants I was considering selling.
Then the first person with a complaint emailed; he said that he thought his persimmon seedling was dead. It had only taken two days to reach him so I was skeptical, but then I researched it and realized that if the plant sat on his porch for a couple hours it could easily wilt. Reading further I found that it's just now a good idea to ship through summer, so from June 1st through September 1st I get a break! I'm using this time to reorder, and also to reconsider.
I hope that through diligent planning, I can start sewing and begin my own business before the year is over. Perhaps if I set up my schedule early, I can be prepared in advance to have time-even just a couple hours a day! As you can see, by my garden I also meant my life in general! I've just joined an Instagram challenge that starts next week. Most of the time I just feel too worn out to take "perfect" pictures and I'm hoping that the challenge will actually help me out because I would like to use Instagram effectively for my business as well!

Anyway, I'll leave you with this picture of my squash. Look over here to see what they started out looking like...And no, I haven't stopped being awestruck by them or talking to them to "help them grow". 

The love that burdens us

Mom, Dad, and I were gathered in the living room while the girls washed the dishes. After a serious conversation about some solutions to some recent difficulties with the girls, Dad suggested we pray before he headed to bed. This is not at all unusual, and so I bowed my head with some resignation. Here is where we hand our cares over to God, and it is especially necessary today of all days.

You know the feeling from when you're a child, and you can't even vocalize how tired, and upset, and overwrought you are? It was in those moments that I would go to one of my parents and just lay my head on them, because they would understand. This was me tonight. Laying my head on God, hoping he would feel sorry for me. Then Daddy said, "Thank you God for the love that burdens us."

Huh?

I mentally ran that through my mind again, mouthing it at the same time. 

The love that burdens us. 

Look y'all, novels are written about love. All kinds of love. But mostly happy love. The kind that you would scale mountains and cross oceans for (to be very cliche) just to experience the euphoria it gives you.

Today I was disappointed by one of my sisters. She broke my trust, and really made me question my ability to guide her. Let's be real, I'm not experienced as a mother. I've taken over most of their training, all of their schooling, and decide much of their outside activities all by happenstance in a time of need. As my parents get older and don't like to drive, and enjoy the freedom of having grown children, it has fallen almost naturally on me. Both girls ask my permission before my parents, and the need to get this "right" is like nothing I have experienced before. The guidance of young lives is a responsibility that is indescribable. 

But today I cried in the car to Lauren Daigle's song "Trust in you" as I ate beef jerky that I'd impulse bought. I tried to analyze my feelings and decide if I was overreacting. I fought the urge to immaturely ignore her every time she spoke to me. 

True love is something we carry with us always. The love I have for these girls is a living thing. It encompasses my every interaction with them whether good or bad. The hopes I have for their futures and the kinds of people I want them to be, is all because I love them. Before them, I didn't have love like this. It's different from my other sisters in so many ways. I dissect conversations we have and question decisions I make regularly! I rejoice in their successes as if they were mine, in some ways they are! Sometimes love hurts y'all, I'm just being honest. It consumes our minds and jacks up our emotions, but I wouldn't trade it in. I just wouldn't. It never occurred to me that not just growth comes through this part of love, but joy can. The part where the love you have for someone pulls at you and causes you to do things not for the bubbly feeling it gives you, but for their good! I'm learning. I want to be able to be truly thankful for every part of love, because without the lows, the highs become mundane. I want to be able to say, "Thank You for the love that burdens us." and truly truly mean it.