New Idea

When I was setting my New Year's resolutions I didn't actually plan on some of these things that I have now decided are really important to me to accomplish. At first I felt bad about it, and maybe a little guilty at the possibility that my goals I’d been so excited about just a couple months ago I wouldn't actually accomplish. I have sense come to the conclusion that one good thing about goals is that they can you know change and develop over time.

So there is this photo project that I want to do and it has to do with my hyper-pigmentation on my face. I found that I haven't really become less self-conscious about it, it's just that sometimes it's not as much at the forefront of my mind. Basically I'm used to it being there, but still don't like it and I still sometimes get the feeling that people are staring at me. For my birthday I want to do a special photo shoot for myself, and I have a friend who is a makeup artist and she will be able to do some really unique things. It’s all just living in my mind right now, but I'm working through the kinks. If you go through Pinterest you can find very fashion forward  pictures of freckled girls. If you look for something similar for acne scars or hyper-pigmentation (that isn’t just advertisement for getting rid of them) you won’t find a thing. I'm all for fading the marks on my face, but it takes time and I need to be able to look in the mirror until then. I literally refuse to wear makeup all the time.

Since I'm not sure that I have the financial wherewithal to get someone really experienced to take the photographs for me, I'm practicing self portraits. Actually my first one was today, and although it’s finally not blurry, it is completely uninteresting (in my opinion.) I’m going to keep practicing in different lights and locations though so I can and I decided I'm just going to keep practicing until the actual event come for the shoot so that I can see how it is in different light and get an idea for exactly what  get a better idea of what I want. I’m not comfortable sharing pictures like this, but it will help me to get used to putting myself out there. It’s not just for me, but for others who struggle with their flaws.

It's not that I was miserable, this was just like the 50th photo lol.