I've never been the type of person to going through long periods of sadness. I'll have a burst of moping on bad days, be very dramatic, then move on. The last couple of months have been difficult though, as in can't-seem-to-have-two-good-days-in-a-row kind of difficult. It was as if I was always thinking of the negative. I believe I've found the root of my problem, or at least part of it. My mom asked me today if I really do feel that because I'm the only one left at home that makes me less important or less able to be happy, and if I were honest, I would say yes...It stinks for everyone else to be headed toward exciting things while I am at home struggling to be more disciplined with sewing and creating, be helpful around the house, and find the smile that I used to have so much more often!
I'm not off at college (I did love college,) I'm not loving on a new baby, and I'm not preparing for a wedding--those are the things my sisters are doing, and I am happy for them. Perhaps I'm a bit jealous also (ya think??) Sometimes life isn't all flowers and hearts; sometimes you have to take what you have and be grateful to God for all the bad things that aren't happening to you. This is me sucking it up. Want to come along for the ride? I'm sure this won't be the only lecture I give myself...
I'm not off at college (I did love college,) I'm not loving on a new baby, and I'm not preparing for a wedding--those are the things my sisters are doing, and I am happy for them. Perhaps I'm a bit jealous also (ya think??) Sometimes life isn't all flowers and hearts; sometimes you have to take what you have and be grateful to God for all the bad things that aren't happening to you. This is me sucking it up. Want to come along for the ride? I'm sure this won't be the only lecture I give myself...
Coming up later this week...
1. Pictures from the blog swap.
2. Pictures from my attempt at making apple cobbler.
Stay tuned!
Elisabeth Arona
Oh Lizzy, hugs. I sort of know what you're talking about, I have had a lot of days like the ones you mentioned. And if I'm honest with myself, it stems from not being content with what God has given me and from loving the world too much.
ReplyDeleteBUT, it would also be helpful for me to have people around me who at least know how I feel, even if they can't understand it. Too many times I have heard well-meaning, but trite and unhelpful, solutions to my "blues".
So, what I am trying to say is, I don't want to give you any trite or pat platitudes and hope that I can support you online from a totally different country!
Lizzy - the best posts are the honest ones that show how God works within. God loves that about you and I pray that you will be able to reside with joy in the person He created you to be.
ReplyDeleteDeb, you have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you :-)
ReplyDeletePhyllis, It was hard to just admit that I was having a problem because anyone could state the obvious-that there are so many people worse off than me that probably don't complain as much.
ReplyDeleteMany of us feel this way for similar or unrelated reasons, but usually are too proud to admit it because of the trivial nature of said 'feelings'. Sometimes when just browsing fb statuses it seems everyone is going on lovely vacations, buying beautiful homes, staying in shape--wearing the same size they wore pre-childbirth, being 'super' moms doing so many amazing things (spiritual & nonspiritual)that I only dream to attain. Its rare that we will remove our masks of total contentment & admit we feel 'left out' -- 'void'---'nonimportant' because that's sooo 'imature' & 'unspritual'. The fact is we are only flesh--and flesh has pity parties sometimes. Thanks for being honest. I find focusing on "blessings" helps. And just isolating that one thing that you totally 'love' and pursue it with a furious passion for the glory of God! I think you're great writer...hint hint. You say what most are afraid to say--and we need more of that in today's time of mediocrity!
ReplyDeleteElizzy - You and my daughter, Jenifer, have this subject in common. Jenifer is going to be 38 on November 30 and she and my 2 grandsons live here with me. The reality of it is for her, at least, is that she could not afford to live anywhere else but she still feels that she is not independant and not very adultlike.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I try to leave her to her own, she still feels like she is not as grown up as her sister, Jodi.
I really understand how you feel.
I am sure that God has a lot in store for you!
♥♥♥
Suki
you're not alone... :D
ReplyDeleteyour totally not alone. great post. thanks for the honesty. i enjoy your writing very much. god has you in one of those bitter sweet seasons, that in the end make you more relatable to people and more like Him. hard but good :)
ReplyDelete